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Programming note: How can other researchers achieve Nate's god-like status? Find out tonight at 10 p.m. ET on "Anderson Cooper 360°." (HINT: you can't)

Nate found guilty of being the greatest researcher in the universe.

Researchers everywhere stand in awe of Nate's superhero status.

Nate declares he deserves the title of world's most awesome Research Associate.


Kicks Ass

Some Town (CNN) -- Earlier today a Studly Associate VII working at The Most Awesome Research Institute in the Universe was found guilty of being the world's most awesome researcher.

On Monday April 24, Nate, a nuclear brain transplantation expert, was found guilty of being the world greatest researcher. The verdict came as no surprise to his co-workers.

“I’ve known all along that Nate was awesome, he kicked my ass at arm-wrestling.” co-worker Glenn said during an interview prior to the trial.

At his trial, co-worker Kelly testified that Nate is “the most intelligent researcher in the universe” When asked to describe how smart Nate was, she responded by saying: “He’s definitely smarter than me.”

Nate's boss, stated: “I'm always giving Nate difficult projects that can take months to complete. He usually gets them done in a single day, he's that awesome.”

Media hype proclaiming Nate the greatest researcher in the world reached its peak in November of 2004 when he developed a cure for stupidity by convincing registered Republicans to vote for John Kerry. Although his efforts came too late to stop Bush’s reelection, the cure has been distributed in time for the 2006 elections.

Nate seemed to take the courts decision lightly stating: “I really didn’t need any court to tell me that I’m awesome. I already knew that before the trial.”

Nate hasn’t ruled out a run in the 2008 presidential elections.

Copyright 2006 CNN. All rights reserved. On second thought, everything these days is copyrighted and I'm sick of it. Feel free to plagarize anything you see here. This material may be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. contributed to this report.

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